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 (nobody)...and 88 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2608867 Today 7 Topics 127230 |
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anyone who's spent some time on long highway drives is probably familiar with how traffic tends to settle into clusters that move like schools of fish. traffic lights, stop signs, and slow cars create moving choke points that gradually trap more cars. inevitably, there's some twat going 60 in the fast lane, and everyone's so zoned out driving they don't notice they're stuck in the mud. when i'm barreling along and i see one of these clusters, i am immediately sizing it up: is there some slow car jamming up the works? who's about to get fed up with it and whip out; surprise me with a lane change? can i just cruise past it all as i am, or am i going to have navigate a course of weaving? this gets very deep and strategic, especially after three hours of driving, as i get rather bored. i am waiting for the day when we have level three and four autonomous cars all about, and i learn to pick them out in these clusters of cars. i have no idea how, but i'm reasonably sure their character of driving will be obvious to me somehow. at that point, i can begin to learn how to make them get the fuck out of the way as well. ideally, scare them all and have them scatter like a flock of birds |
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God forbid anyone get in the way of your visit to the dialysis clinic. |
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i knew it was you. driving like a grandma. slowing me down on the highways |
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You should be respectful and enjoy the scenery at a leisure pace with less tailgaiting. Maybe they are driving slow because they do not want to accidentally run over any innocent animals. Non-human animals are perhaps the most innocent things, maybe except for plants. |
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i figure there's ample evidence of my compulsive and neurotic nature on this board, along with a small novel of text about my philosophy of driving. after two hours of driving, most people have zoned out. they're listening to "this american life" on NPR and chowing down on beef jerky and they don't think about their car, their driving, or the road any more than they think about how to chew the gobs of salted beef. they are going 60 in a 65 zone i come up from behind, doing 70 or 75. i am listening intently to music; all my motions are synced to it. i am laser-focused on the road, the car. i spot this guy up ahead in my lane. about twenty seconds before he's even aware of me, i've switched to the middle lane. he notices me for a moment, perhaps, as i fly past him on the right, but then it's over and he's listening to NPR and beef jerky and two hours later he will have zero recollection of any of it bottom line: i don't have to tailgate. i have ascended |
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tailgating can actually a legitimate form of communcation. if i have to, i will get on someone's bumper in a way intended to get their attention: "please hang up your phone and let me by. you've formed a rolling roadblock." i always let off once i feel like they've noticed. i can see them look up at the rearview mirror, tap the brakes, and so on. then i think: "alright, they've heard me." then i back off. people do this each other all the time: "you're a bit slow, could you please let me by?" most drivers accept this with a shrug and let me by. however, if you're an asshole about it -- stick to them like glue, freak them out -- then they'll decide you can fuck off; slow way down and torture you. a little bumper-hang to wake them up, back off once they've noticed? that's a polite tap on the shoulder and you get much better reactions. i work very hard to get angry when driving, really. it used to be neigh-on-impossible, but i've more or less won the war, even if the occasional battle is still lost. once you take malice and rage out of the equation, you realize harassing people -- tailgating to annoy -- only slows you down. in reaction to someone slowing you down, get mad and slow yourself down even more? fuck that. i am trying to optimize the shit out of everything. being a dick gets me less results, not more i'm still human, though. there will always be times when i've been stuck behind some twat for 45 minutes, and when i finally get an opening, it's like the zookeeper went home having left the tiger paddy unlocked. so... someday, yes, i figure i will scatter autonomous teslas like a flock of daft birds. but i'd rather not have that situation in the first place |
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to not get angry. angry works me very hard to not get driving |
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is brilliant but so boring But just because it's safe doesn't meant it won't be massively frustrating - particularly if you're desperate to get to work or in any other kind of hurry that required a bit of (legal) urgency on the road. That's a terrible complaint, isn't it? The impeccable standards are a sign the technology is really quite magnificent. But like dating someone who is just "too nice", the Google car will start to grate on you a bit. translation: automated cars will drive like the worst grandmas ever because they're so terrified of accidents getting the tech banned. for this reason, A) i will wind up butting heads with them, and B) i will eat them for lunch just making the best of a bad situation. |
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Unless they make it illegal to drive manually. |
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by the time that comes to pass, i'll either have coded up the VR driving game i've been designing in my head for years, or i'll be dead. as such, i'm not going to trouble myself over this inevitability for now. |
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i'll let the car warm up in the driveway, in park, and rev the engine. i can feel standing waves of resonance unfold throughout the car except in 3D. it is reliably ordered and more or less the same every time, so long as the arc of gas you deliver is more or less the same. i feel like i could sit there and draw pictures of it, but there would be so, so many pictures to draw to truly capture it. what i need is some sort of science-grade analysis setup with laser-scanning to precisely record all this shit into a computer so i can build satisfying simulations of it with bass noises and rumble fx and whatever else VR has to offer. cars are due to go electric, and revving the engine like that will be gone forever... as will all other nuances of driving as it is today. this bothers me so much i feel compelled to capture it in a game, for the sake of posterity... and my own well-being |
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